I felt empowered being the one thrusting. Later, at Jenny’s place, she started fingering me while jerking me off: “Relax,” she whispered. It’s a whole different thing when women play with my anus: It’s kinky. In your knowledge, everyone knew what everyone was into because you claim you knew what everyone was into… except for all those times that you were wrong that you probably do not remember as well as the times you thought you were right. Practice makes perfect. But just like any relationship, trust needs to be earned. I had the worlds biggest crush on this guy in DC when I lived there. Today, men are more comfortable expressing their individuality with their bodies. But that all changed when I started dating Jenny. So I went through with it, making all the classic first-time bottoming mistakes: I didn’t “clean” prior because I had no idea how, and the whole time he was inside me, I clenched for dear life. A top in a relationship is typically the more dominant one, and a stone top would be someone who does not like to receive sexual pleasure – only give it. [Read: Why do men like breasts?] But unlike me, she was a dominatrix who liked being verbally abusive to straight guys while she pegged them. My man is trained. And yet it’s almost always bottoms who come on to me, and I dutifully bang them. is fluid and always changing. I get what I want in the bedroom and then he gets what he wants. A shirt or a tee that ends just right around where your jeans start, or a perfectly fitting top with a wider neck that shows a bit but yet needs a bit of craning to get a peep is just perfect for men. I’m surprised you’re all so dubious about this. Everyone managed to hook up without much verbal interrogation, never mind a lengthy typed questionnaire. I for one know that my sexuality hasn’t changed and I do not see it ever changing. Some people are also versatile, which means they both top and bottom, not to be confused with switch. Want to make a longer comment about all this BS later when I have more time. In fact, being on all fours and crying for my girlfriend to plow me harder has turned me into more of man than anything else I’ve done in the past decade. Even though I often act more feminine in my everyday life, I liked knowing that I was the “man” in bed. The party, a swanky roof-top affair in New York City, was called “On Top.” I was feeling even more on-top than most, considering the 9-inch, Jeffery Campbell heels I was wearing. I didn’t want to deal with any of that awkwardness, so I didn’t bottom for years, even though there were guys begging me to try. However, if you are HIV-negative, bottoming without a condom puts you at much greater risk for getting HIV than topping. You guys are bad at being gay. In hindsight, I realized the problem with my little experiment was that I wasn’t turned on. A top is a male who prefers penetrating and a versatile is typically a man who is open to either being a top or a … ... Men do … And if you’re a Dom, don’t say things like that unless the sub consents to being talked to that way. But here, I list seven of the real (and immense) psychological and behavioral costs of being a man. By and large, grooming body hair, or 'scaping, can mean a light trim, a lined pattern, or complete removal. One day, he asks me out, we begin dating and taking things slow. I think I tend to gravitate toward their lower lip when I move in for a kiss, so they end up focusing on my top. What if you’re neither top nor bottom? You're Needy . Basically, the bigger the better - but, in a warning to those who are thinking about opting for surgical enhancement, it is possible for somebody to have lips that are too big. I know it might sound absurd — given that I’d seen firsthand the immense pleasure my partners experienced from anal penetration. It works a lot better. And since they care about you and are with you romantically, that’s their goal at the end of the day. You have to prepare! As with many other things, a generalization is fine until you take it too seriously and insist everybody fit it. We are men, and make love to who we want,….and many times that just depends on the MOMENT, chemistry, alcohol,etc. And you &/or the other guy can often “tell” somehow, without either of you tediously explaining it. Anyone who came out back in the bar days, before (anti) social media, knows there’s something to this. Just my opinion, mind you. In this asinine way, it fed my ego. Yeah I know old school. STUDY: Your Face Gives Away Whether You’re A Top Or Bottom. I guess that’s true, because it happens to me every once in a while. @TinoTurner: He was breaking the social convention. 28 YEARS?!!?! That was until I started dating this guy who mostly topped. A fake dom may say things like, “You’re not really a sub,” or, “A good sub would do XYZ.” If you’re a sub, don’t fall for it. Gay men of color face a dual challenge in managing social reactions and pressures from being both gay and people of color, and also gender expectations. They want to know that you have your hobbies, ambitions and interests don't rely solely on his. When I managed to stop clenching, I finally understood what all the fuss was about. 26. Can they tell a switch-bitch on sight? Anal sex is over-rated. Apparently a natural emotional process like this seems mysterious and arcane to anyone who’s used to spelling everything out explicitly online? I'm not sure if this true, but when I'm on top, the guy usually get more excited. I know the … Being his cheerleader is great and wanting to be around him as much as possible is a part of liking someone, but he'll lose interest if you let your identity become a mirror copy of his. Straight men face a lot of social pressure, still, to earn more than their wives. @hf2hvit: That’s an easy mistake, since stimulating your prostate tends to be more fun when you’re prostrate! Bottoming has now become something that is not only important to my sex life, but to my sense of well-being. He came across as a tough guy/macho/uber masculine. ZACHARY ZANE is a regular contributor to The Advocate. 3) Anti-social. Clearly, I was the latter. There are many potential pressures to face and overcome. Sexuality (bottom/top, gay/straight/bi, etc.) Although my relationship with Jenny didn’t last, my love of bottoming did. That shocked her. I feel all big butts are not created equal. Study is bogus, SOMEONE has NOT heard of *bears & cubs. I consider myself vers but I sure love to bottom. Give it up Straight-ees! It’s better than derision. 1. They are not the same as dom and sub because even though many bottoms are subs and tops are doms, there are variations such as service tops and power bottoms. It may be difficult to define such things in plain language, but they are real enough. Side by side is good, but if I must choose between top or bottom I'd go with being on top. It’s not rocket science. Guys do like putting their fingers through your hair, but just be sure that it is out of your face when you want to use your lips! If you’re only sampling self-professed total tops and bottoms then obviously you’re not taking a representative sample of the gay population, since they’re a minority. Though I’m sure no gay man would EVER lie about his preference; oh no, us gay men know that that NEVER happens. Congrats to you two!! @hf2hvit: I dated a bafoon years ago that always called it a prostrate. on gay males, who knew??? Although some research suggests that the perceptions of potential partners’ sexual roles in gay men’s relationships can affect whether a man will adopt the role of top or bottom during sexual intercourse, it remains unclear whether sexual roles could be perceived accurately by naïve observers. I’d heard horror stories from friends about accidentally “letting loose” on a guy they liked. Those are two beautiful and sensitive men, and pretty brave actors in a still homophobic Hollywood, even if the story was ultimately a really sad one. Most guys could somehow “tell” what the others were into, just by visual cues. SORRY its NOt going to happen. Real emotional harm can be done. "Frankly, I think there is too much pressure and obsession with women being totally shaved down below. So, I cut my nails the shortest I’ve ever cut them, lubed up my index finger with conditioner, and slowly worked my way up in there while I took a shower — it was, OK-ish. @dc.196434: Maybe you're a top, because you love taking control and getting exactly what you want. in my 28 yr relationship there is no such thing as a top or bottom- its called whoever is in the mood for what. Not to mention one of the fastest growing demos in the grooming and cosmetics industries are men. So guys like cuddling because you like … You can tell from the comment section just how much us gay people can relate to that sentiment in our personal lives. I always figured being a bottom had something to do with how your prostrate was wired. Some people like to play around a bit between thing but that isn’t everyone’s style. Being dominant comes very naturally to the alpha male or female. Being on top was the “manly” position. Clearly they nailed it. And then (can I be frank here?) 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